Disclaimer: This post may be triggering or difficult to read if you have Emetophobia. Remember that there is help available if you need it.
According to Anxiety UK, “Emetophobia is a fear of vomiting or seeing others being sick.” As a person who has had it for almost ten years, I couldn’t of said it better myself to be honest (well not without swearing anyway).
When I use the word sick in this post, I’m referring to the act of vomiting or to vomit
Yes, I KNOW that nobody enjoys being sick. But not liking and having a phobia of something are two completely different things
As with any phobia, it’s not a choice. I didn’t choose to be this way
It’s impossible for me to feel ‘safe’ or have a moment free from Emetophobia because it is essentially a fear of my own body
I wish I could be more compassionate towards my family and friends when they are sick (I’m not just being a cold hearted B****, promise)
Emetophobia isn’t necessarily about keeping germ free. Personally, I literally wouldn’t care what germs were around me if I knew they wouldn’t make me sick
I know that, 99% of the time, being sick isn’t life threatening. But it can feel that way to me
If you know me, chances are I’ve asked you for reassurance before that I’m not going to be sick. Thank you
Making me think back to a time I was sick and coped ISN’T HELPFUL
If you want to know how you can help or what might trigger me, just ask
I haven’t been sick for 4 years and the phobia is still very much alive and kicking for me
As a thank you for making it to the end, a little statement hot off the press from my mum this morning:
“When I grow up, I want to be a dog.”
She meant in her ‘next life’, because Minnie is snuggled next to me in a blanket right now.
Told you I’d make you laugh in every post, didn’t I?!
If you haven’t already visited The Person Behind The Blog tab, you may want to pop over there before reading this
I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad and the ugly. It makes it easier for me to accept things that way. Of course, at times its easier said than done and there are some things that happen that cannot be explained by this term. But in the general sense, 95% of the time I truly believe this to be the case.
Let me put it into context. I’m off work sick at the moment whilst I have weekly EMDR therapy for PTSD (I will do a separate blog about this another time). For a few days after therapy I am totally wiped out and have no energy. For the rest of the week I have been reading books, napping during the day, watching series on Netflix, eating junk food and just generally being a bit of a sloth.
For the last maybe week and a half I’ve been thinking a lot (more than usual) about what it is I want out of life and how I’m going to get there. Maybe it’s the therapy, the fact I’ve had a lot of time to think or a mixture of both. Immaterial. What matters is that since I’ve been in this mindset, I have seen the time 11:11 every day. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, well of course I’m bound to see it whilst I’m off work because I’m spending a lot of time on my phone. But the question I pose to you is this, why have I only now just starting seeing this time when I’ve been off work for nearly 3 months already?
On the third day I saw 11:11, I started to think maybe this is a sign (I know you think I’ve gone a bit bat s*** crazy but bear with me). A sign that I was on the right path and (“this chick has totally lost it!”) that I should continue with the mindset of discovering what it is I am meant to be doing. I know what I want to be doing. It’s this. Exactly what I’m doing this very moment. Writing. But not just writing for the sake of it, I want to write with the purpose of helping other people or making them laugh (or both). Hence the birth of my blog; Living My Anxious Life.
So, do the WHYs surrounding my reason for deciding now is the perfect time to begin this even matter? Surely all that matters is I have started doing something which I have wanted to do for ages, something I think I am going to love, something that will keep me focused and give me a purpose? Yes, me thinks so.